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Feb. 11th, 2018 09:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mortifydEverything is healing up nicely, though the damn itching... so much itching. That and a weird tightness to everything that is uncomfortable but not exactly unpleasant. I could still fast forward through all the healing and not miss it though.
I'm having doubts of my ability to stand strong when it comes to talking to the roomie - but I have to. I can't live like this anymore, I'm getting too old and tired and frankly being alone is not my best situation. I need other people around me to engage with that aren't crazy. Or at least have a different crazy that balances mine.
It hasn't been the worst winter by a long shot, but it's been long, and I am tired. Everything was tolerable until the flood I think, that was the final straw for me. When I lost basic comforts like light and carpet and I can't get them back - that really affected me. I don't like sitting in the dark and the cold any more than anyone else does, but that's where I'm at now and it's not ok.
Now that my motion is limited, I can't really sort through the storage unit and go through things yet, maybe next month I can do that. I have so much crap - I wonder if I could get it down to a rental cars worth? Sell the boat, sell the car, rent one for the drive - show up with savings and a limited amount of things to find a place for, Mum will appreciate that given her current 100 items per week out of the house frenzy.
I miss my Mum. That was another straw - I went home for a week and had a great time just being home. All the conveniences, plus the fun of Mum. We watched a movie, we went shopping a little, we cooked and ate, we cleaned, we organised - just stuff, nothing fancy or stand out, day to day living. But it was great.
I need to be around other people, be it a roomie or my Mum - I don't do well on my own. But with someone else around, I can at least manage most of the basics, and in the convenience of a house that would be much easier at this point that where I am now.
I miss sleeping on a whole bed, not just part of one.
I miss microwaves and freezers.
I miss flush toilets that I don't have to hike to in order to use them.
I miss central heat.
I miss carpet.
I miss doors and floors that don't move.
There is a certain amount of not wanting to leave Mum alone too - Gran is not going to live forever, and Mum needs a break just like anyone else. Between Gran and Dad, Mum is wearing out herself, not to mention Doris and her crazy which interjects itself randomly and on Tuesdays with a vengeance. Mum needs time to breathe, th paint, to get away from everything for a couple days just because. My brother won't help, so it's up to me.
Speaking of my brother, I swear he is just a fucking sadsack. Now he's in jail for porno and may have to go on the sex registry - not sure of all the details, but at some point in the past his computer was confiscated and then supposedly returned and all potential charges dropped - well not so much it seems. If it weren't for bad luck he would have no luck at all - lost his job, losing a roommate because of the possible sex offender thing, the possible sex offender thing itself, trashed his car, just squeaked out of a DUI ticket again... it never ends for him.
I'm having doubts of my ability to stand strong when it comes to talking to the roomie - but I have to. I can't live like this anymore, I'm getting too old and tired and frankly being alone is not my best situation. I need other people around me to engage with that aren't crazy. Or at least have a different crazy that balances mine.
It hasn't been the worst winter by a long shot, but it's been long, and I am tired. Everything was tolerable until the flood I think, that was the final straw for me. When I lost basic comforts like light and carpet and I can't get them back - that really affected me. I don't like sitting in the dark and the cold any more than anyone else does, but that's where I'm at now and it's not ok.
Now that my motion is limited, I can't really sort through the storage unit and go through things yet, maybe next month I can do that. I have so much crap - I wonder if I could get it down to a rental cars worth? Sell the boat, sell the car, rent one for the drive - show up with savings and a limited amount of things to find a place for, Mum will appreciate that given her current 100 items per week out of the house frenzy.
I miss my Mum. That was another straw - I went home for a week and had a great time just being home. All the conveniences, plus the fun of Mum. We watched a movie, we went shopping a little, we cooked and ate, we cleaned, we organised - just stuff, nothing fancy or stand out, day to day living. But it was great.
I need to be around other people, be it a roomie or my Mum - I don't do well on my own. But with someone else around, I can at least manage most of the basics, and in the convenience of a house that would be much easier at this point that where I am now.
I miss sleeping on a whole bed, not just part of one.
I miss microwaves and freezers.
I miss flush toilets that I don't have to hike to in order to use them.
I miss central heat.
I miss carpet.
I miss doors and floors that don't move.
There is a certain amount of not wanting to leave Mum alone too - Gran is not going to live forever, and Mum needs a break just like anyone else. Between Gran and Dad, Mum is wearing out herself, not to mention Doris and her crazy which interjects itself randomly and on Tuesdays with a vengeance. Mum needs time to breathe, th paint, to get away from everything for a couple days just because. My brother won't help, so it's up to me.
Speaking of my brother, I swear he is just a fucking sadsack. Now he's in jail for porno and may have to go on the sex registry - not sure of all the details, but at some point in the past his computer was confiscated and then supposedly returned and all potential charges dropped - well not so much it seems. If it weren't for bad luck he would have no luck at all - lost his job, losing a roommate because of the possible sex offender thing, the possible sex offender thing itself, trashed his car, just squeaked out of a DUI ticket again... it never ends for him.
